Impressionism

I bought Andrew a calendar for the new year, to start learning about calendars, dates, etc. It happens to be a calendar with paintings by Claude Monet. I thought it would be best if it were something not too distracting, and being an art lover, I wanted to expose him to some fine art.

I was talking to him about the painting, asking what he saw, what was happening in the painting (it was of a snowy road into a village), and I said, what do you think these shapes here are? (houses.)

Andrew: "Those are houses. You know, buildings, and houses."

Me: "Really? They look sort of funny..."

Andrew: "Well, that's because the artist? He didn't really KNOW what a house looked like, he was just drawing them, so it looks funny."

Me: trying really hard not to laugh. I loved that.

So much to love

There has been so much to love lately:

This morning, when Daddy left for work, while the three land-lubbers around here were still bleary-eyed and trying to make their bodies work right, one of us broke down into full, panicky sobs as he watched, in his pajamas, helplessly perched on the front stoop, as Daddy drove off. Managing to make it to the phone, I tossed it to him, already ringing Daddy's cell. Then I went to the bathroom. I was reading about the meaning of a Unitarian Christmas (yes, I love to read my UU magazine first thing in the a.m.) when I was jolted out of my liberal religious stupor by the sound of the door! opening! And a little boy leaping into the Daddy's chilly arms to give him one last hug while the diesel engine putter-putted on the street.

Wow, that was exhausting. I don't think I can come up with any more now.

Oh: lately, my dearest dreams have come true. Little Independent #2 has started draping her little fat leg over mine and her perfect-in-every way arm over my body while she nurses happily to sleep in bed. This makes it very, very hard to ---very, very, very, very hard to get away after nursing her to sleep. But she's cuddling me! Yes!

I have been promoted to once-a-month acupuncture which is a huge improvement over having to go every week.

Andrew will be getting everything on his Christmas list, and more.

No one will mind when they get their Christmas cards after New Years, right?

Andrew and I were sharing a perfect bliss tonight when we realized that the two more cranky people of the evening had finally fallen asleep, and we were free to have "just you and me" time which WE LOVE! And we giggled and giggled under the quilt on his bed, with the Christmas lights all around and a flip-the-flap Tonka trucks book. And curling up with Andrew under a blanket is the fastest way I know to get warm, because I'm pretty sure his body temperature hovers at 110. Man, is he warm. And sweet.

Which brings me to chores: he put away some of his laundry, put rags from the kitchen into the washing machine, helped carry dishes from the table to the dishwasher, crumbed the table, and was very kind to his sister tonight. I couldn't be more proud.

And my diet today consisted mainly of: blueberry hand pies, blueberry scones, and Renfroe candied pecans. Kris Kringle-esque, right? I'll be back to eggs and beans and whole grains tomorrow, of course. Except for our long-awaited marshmallow-toasting event which is now ready to happen!

AND I don't have to cook Christmas dinner! yahoo!

SLOW DOWN!

This week:

Andrew leapt into a size ONE shoe. Despite all my protests.

Liliana started cruising. CRUISING!!

Andrew decided to sent cards to 5 people he loves. He dictated the notes, stuffed them in envelopes with cards that came with his National Geographic Little Kids magazine, put the stamps and the return address labels on, and licked them and sealed them.

Liliana drank from a cup all by herself. (and in the style of her cousin Calvin, is crawling past me with a sock in her mouth)

Andrew whined and complained that he couldn't spread his cream cheese on his bagel, but Liliana was fussy (teething?) and I couldn't help him. When I came back out of the bedroom (brace yourself), the bag of bagels was gone, the cream cheese was gone, the knife was gone, and the bagel was nearly eaten. What happened? He spread the cream cheese himself and then PUT THEM ALL AWAY! Seriously. He really did.

Liliana got her left lower lateral incisor with hardly a whimper. It was kind of a surprise, actually. Her teeth so far have come in on the right with barely a peep and then the left hits us hard with all the teething stuff: whining, crying, not sleeping, chewing, drooling, spitting up, diarrhea, etc. Fun! Coming soon!

Andrew told me this joke: "What do cows do for fun? Go to the MOOvies."

Liliana, in the sling, grabbed something off the shelf at the grocery store. Then, annoyed, she grabbed something out of the cart and trhew it on the floor. It broke.

Andrew said this:

"Mommy, why are you so frustrated?"
"I don't know, honey, I just am."
"I know how to make you un-frustrated."
"How?"
(big huge hug. wow.)

And finally:
Liliana, in the sling, again, grabbed my chin while I was looking away from her and turned my head to look at her. YES! I KNOW!

SLOW DOWN!

PS - Oh yeah, and I forgot two more: Andrew has exchanged Rascall Flats and Raffi for WEEZER. Heard as I was exiting the car: "Daddy, when Mommy gets out of the car, can we turn on Weezer?"

I came across the Cars toys in Target, where I stood in the aisle crying while my son played in the Transformers aisle. Where did the time go?

YNAB 3

I HEART You Need a Budget. It's a budgeting software program, and they're coming out with a whole new personal finance software that hopefully will be the end-all be-all of personal finance software, and I'm very, very hopeful.

Especially if it means that I never have to use Quicken again, because in my mind, that would be utopia. No. More. Quicken.

In any case, I'll update you on the new version as soon as its much-hyped release date comes. Could be any day now!

Mama’s Holiday Wish List Meme
TodaysMama and Provo Craft are giving away a sleighful of gifts this holiday season and to enter I’m sharing this meme with you.

1. What 5 items are on your holiday wish list this year?
- Carl Sagan's Cosmos TV series.. I've been wanting that for years...
- A Chariot sidecar bike seat for the little one
- Klip It containers (they are awesome..)
- Blue Canoe undies
- a facial and/or mani/pedi would be cool, too.
2. What is your favorite handmade gift you have received?
My sister makes scarves, and I love mine.
3. What handmade gift have you always wanted to tackle?
A scrapbook for someone full of quotes and poems... not this year!
4. What was the best Christmas gift you received as a child?
I dunno, maybe the bean bag chair? I loved that.
5. What items are on your kid’s wish list this year?
A four-wheeler. Not happening.
6. What is your favorite holiday food?
Chocolate. Totally.
7. What will you be hand-crafting for the holidays?
A Play Jar for the 4yo, full of ideas for creative games with the parents. Holy cow, that's us.
8. What is your favorite holiday movie?
White Christmas, hands down.
9. Favorite holiday song?
I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas. Hello? Weren't you listening?
10. Favorite holiday pastime?
Just doing nothing with the family, having "slow time."

Liliana: every day something new

9 months old now.

Tonight she played peek-a-boo with me. Peek-a-boo! She held my discarded PJs over her face and with somewhat disjointed timing pulled them up and down while I said, "Where's Liliana? There she is!"

It's such a disorienting sensation, being totally certain that this event is REMARKABLE, AMAZING, even, I hesitate to say it, wholly unique in the world. And still, somehow knowing that it happens, has happened billions of times. Which makes it both the most rare and the most common event ever. But it's not both. It's definitely rare. It's definitely common. But I can't hold the two in my mind at the same time. That doesn't make sense, does it? Oh, well.

Anyway, she is also frequently signing, "milk," and is so delighted when she does. "I've made contact!" she seems to be thinking when she signs for milkies and then I tuck her into my arm to nurse her. And sometimes if I nurse her when she hasn't made the sign, she looks up at me while nursing, radiantly joyful, and pushes her tiny hand toward my face, signing, "milkies!" (yes, apparently one can sign with an exclamation point) as if she's reminding me, and herself, and everyone that the milk goes with the sign! They go together! Look, mama! Milkies!

It is so cool. I hope I can remember it forever.

And speaking of "mama," that's her new word. She says it when she sees me, when she wants me, when she's just playing... I'm in love.

Tea, Revisited

Remember when I posted a tea recipe a while ago? Well I revisited the post to make some more, and realized it was not quite correct. Here is the correct recipe:

4 parts whole hibiscus flowers
2 parts spearmint
2 parts lemon balm
1 part red raspberry leaf
1 part nettle leaf
1 part oatstraw
1 part chamomile
1 part rosehips
1 part fennel seeds

I've gone a little wild for hibiscus flowers, and as I've been making the tea these past months, I've been adding more and more until I doubled it. I'm starting to wonder if it's habit-forming. :)

Andrew has been saying too many adorable things to even remember. Tonight he asked me if he could have breastmilk soup. Ha! With cooler weather, I've been urging him to eat soup with us, and I asked him if there was any kind of soup he thought he'd like. He insisted that he tasted every kind of soup there was when he was a baby and he didn't like any of them, and finally I got a little peeved and told him that the only kind of soup he ever had when he was a baby was milk soup. You can connect the dots from there, I'm sure.

Liliana WAVED! She waved! First, she did it for Sarah Leatherman at the LLL meeting in Niceville on Friday, and then yesterday we were sitting on the kitchen floor while she explored all the amazing things that open/close and on which she can pull herself to stand, and she WAVED AT ME! It was an adorable, disorganized, fantastic little wave.

Also, she's been saying, "ma ma." And she smells like heaven wrapped up in caramel.

Life is good.

Mommy..?

"Mommy... ? Wouldn't it be cool if everyone ate one hundred samwiches and then they had to poop forEVER?"

I saw Mr. Holston today! Hooray!

I turned our house into a Jack O'Lantern. Poof!

I found a brown smear in Andrew's undies. Yuck! (Okay, now I'm just going with the interjections because it's fun.)

Liliana got adjusted by Dr. Wallace and now SHE IS SO HAPPY! Seriously, we got home and it was like he'd given her laughing gas. She stood up at the head of the bed to look out the window and for some reason looking out the window was HILARIOUS. And then looking down at me: HILARIOUS!! And then she crawled down the hall: EVEN MORE HILARIOUS!!! It makes me laugh just to think about it. It's like suddenly she felt better . . . well, okay, that's not a good simile because she DID feel better, it's just, you know, I get adjusted too and it feels GREAT but she was just giddy.

Andrei worked really, really late.

Hm. That's about it. I bought a really, really big butternut squash. As big as my head, at least.

Fascinating, I know.

Really Good Day

Today was a Really Good Day. Strangely, because it kind of went all wrong. But it was one of those magical days when I remembered why I wanted to be a mom when I grew up. What? I wanted that? What the heck is wrong with me?

By the way, Andrew is now saying, "What the?" about everything. I HATE this. When questioned about why he says this, he answered, "Because Aiden does!" Which is pretty much the answer to everything. Thanks, Aiden's parents. Although, apparently Aiden had no part in today's mysterious incident wherein Joey poked Mish and Andrew had to sit down at a table and do work he doesn't like because he was watching. (???) In the second rehashing, Mish was lying down on his belly while Andrew was fixing his back (???) and Joey poked him with something sharp. I may never know what really happened.

Anywho, the day started pretty great, although late. I woke up wedged between two children (excuse me, not just any children, but the two most wonderful children the universe has ever seen, surely the evolutionary pinnacle of the countless milennia of creation), as usual, which is pretty much like waking up in heaven, knowing you have to leave and being physically unable to move (without waking children, of course). Very strange sensation.

Did I mention both my children have a dimple in ONLY their left cheeks? Strange, but even stranger that they share the trait.

We discovered that we had woken up 15 minutes before school starts, and subsequently rushed around. In the rain. And then I came home and put my PJs back on and put the baby to sleep for her nap, which was easy. Teething over? I hope so.

Because then something magical happened. I had two hours to myself.

Wow.

So, all in all a nice day. But it doesn't end there!

After I picked up my darling child, he threw a huge tantrum (???) and then we went to the jet museum. But we decided to go visit Daddy at work beforehand, although it would be iffy because he didn't have a phone and is starting a new job, so I didn't know what would be going on at the women's barracks where he works.

Well, we got there and we would have gone in but there were 2 or 3 HUNDRED sailors milling about directly in front of the door. No, seriously, that might even be an understatement. According to Andrew it was 69 30 2o (not sure what mathematical system that goes with). So we sat in the car across the street waiting for them to clear and wondering what was going on ("What the?") While we were discussing our options ("Let's go down to the beach and look for hermit crabs while we wait," "NO! That's boring for me!" "WHAT? You're four! You don't get to say that for another 10 years! And maybe not then!" Ok, that's not what I said, but I was seriously annoyed at the prospect that one day I'll lose those simple pleasures.) some guy stood up in the middle of the crowd on something tall, and started to talk. We were too far away to hear what he was saying, but IT WAS DADDY!

Speaking of simple pleasures, the excitement over recognizing Daddy from 200 yards away was pretty much the best thing ever. It was the best show we've seen all week (not diminished by the fact that it's Tuesday).

And then we had pizza and I had a bath with the baby and went to bed. The end.

Television

I am tired of TV. Really, REALLY tired.

And I think lots of people are. Especially after Balloon Boy.

I'm tired of 24-hour news. YES, please show me the millions of amazing people around the world struggling, making change, succeeding, making brilliant ideas reality. But with 24 hours a day, it's the same drivel over and over.

I'm tired of things my kids see and hear that I don't want to explain to them. Or to anyone.

I was sitting in the doctor's office (actually standing, bouncing the baby) a few weeks ago, in a very small waiting room, with a very loud, very large TV on the wall, and a four-year-old to entertain, while the other half-dozen people in the room were staring (at the TV, not at me) in a manner that suggested drool was imminent. What was playing? Fox News. What were they talking about? The abduction and rape of Elizabeth Smart. Or someone else. I was trying not to pay attention. BUT MY FOUR YEAR OLD WAS PAYING ATTENTION. They are always paying attention, people.

Oh, yeah, and there was a sign taped below the TV: "Please do not change the channel. Everyone likes the news." I'm not kidding. Notice the admonishment is to avoid changing the channel. Turning it off is not even in the realm of possibility.

I am really, really, really tired of having to think about things I don't like to think about. Rape. Murder. Finance reform. Whether I should be shaving my legs more. The newest horror movie. If people really will buy that crap just because they advertise it. (perhaps the most disturbing?)

You may be thinking, well, darn, just get rid of your TV! Well, wouldn't I love to! In fact, we didn't get a digital converter last year when our hard-earned tax dollars went to pay for them, and we for darn sure don't pay anyone to stream that stuff into our home. Which means, when you turn on my TV, you get snow. Somehow we subsist on Hulu and Netflix. The problem is everyone else!

I'm living in a world full of people whose lives consist primarily of what's happening on TV. Somehow, I can't get away. You know, I don't know you, lady in the waiting room, but maybe if the TV weren't obscuring coherent thought, I could. I actually like to talk to people I meet.

Which is why I want this in my Christmas stocking, Santa. It's a remote with only one button. The important one.

Although, I won't use it at the new Indian restaurant where all they play on their flat-screen is Bollywood. Now THAT is an appropriate use of the medium.

You know when you're sick and you blow your nose and a whole bunch of stuff comes out, sort of on its own? Well, when you're 8 months old, it just comes out when you least expect it and it really freaks you out. You know, in case you were wondering.

Montessori Environment #3

Andrew's room! This is his dresser:

It's a little messy, but that's basically what it looks like most of the time. The bottom drawer is undies, socks, and swim trunks, middle drawer is shirts and shorts, and the top drawer is pajamas. I added the little metal shelf on the left because it was impossible due to the shape of his closet to rig a low rod, and I needed a place to hang his cool-weather clothes. We'll see how that goes; they haven't been used yet.

His desk, with a globe, a Leap Pad, a CD player, a tape player, a DVD player that is supposed to be tucked away in the desk drawer (ahem.), and a piggy bank.

Bedside table. I was on the hunt for a new one because all he had was one of those crates and it was too small to hold his lamp, nightlight, and a cup of water. But then I realized we had another one of those crates in the closet, so I dug it out, dumped out all of Andrei's stuff that was in it (sorry, honey), and voila! A new bedside table! The little green box there holds magneatos which are huge hit with everyone in the family. Thanks, Nana and Papi!

And just because this is my favorite picture.

Wow, have the kids really let me get all this done this morning? Amazing!

There are still some things I'd like to fit in, chiefly a clock/calendar area, with an analog clock, a little table with some kind of clock activity, a wall calendar, and stickers and pencils for Andrew to use the calendar. Right now he just has one I print from iCal and tape to the desk, and I have to fish out the stickers and such for him. Andrew does go to a great Montessori school, so there are not a lot of activities for him at home outside of toys and practical items.

Also, I'd like to add a washing table, although I just can't see how that's feasible with the kids at their stages of development. It would be good for Andrew to have an easy way to get a sponge to clean up spills, and for Liliana to wash her hands, but it just seems like something they'll be ready for next year, not this year. Andrew does really well with a stepstool at the bathroom sink, where he has waschloths and a toothbrush and toothpaste.

Thank you for wading through all this! I'll post updates as they happen, if they do. :)

Montessori Environment #2

So, this is the bathroom. Isn't it just a slice of life? Liliana's bath seat is sitting in the tub, draining, her diapers are hanging from a drying rack from the curtain rod (see them there above the toilet?), and otherwise it's in pretty reasonable condition.

In the corner there is her dressing shelf. I was a little perplexed about what to do for that, and this has been a really good solution. It's actually a little square wall shelf. On top is a toothbrush that I found for $3 and LOVE, and a comb that she LOVES. On the bottom are stacking cups that were a big hit with baby Andrew. And of course, her potty. We are NOT ECing, because I tried it with Andrew, got pee in the face and then decided it was nuts, but she sits on it first thing in the morning and Andrei has gotten pretty good at noticing when she's about to poop and putting her on the potty. So, maybe we are ECing, which wouldn't be too unlikely since I often end up loving things that I previously swore were just insane (Yoga. Green smoothies. Parenthood. The list goes on.).


And the family bedroom, where Liliana and I are occasionally joined by other members of the family, but usually not for an entire night. This is sort of a combination of the family bed and the Montessori floor bed, and in fact, today Liliana climbed down all by herself! It's a bit too high for her, but we're doing the best we can with it. You can see her sleeping there wrapped up in her sling. Also in there is a changing table (not in the picture), a meditation cushion (folded up in purple, a bookshelf, a nursing rocker, and a row of toys along the wall (you can see one misplaced by the bed, that's our favorite toy of all). And, of course, the dog.

Bookshelf, somewhat messy. Bottom shelf for blankets, second shelf for Liliana's board books, third shelf with a dish rack on it for Andrew's books, and a Mommy shelf on top.

Next is Andrew's room!

Montessori Environment #1

So, it's time for a post about how I'm making the house into a Montessori environment. It's far from ideal, but I'm working on it. We are so grateful to have a playroom in this house, and here it is:

There's a train table, a treehouse, a costume rack, a ridiculously oversized chair, a pirate ship, and shelves full mostly of cars, trucks, and books about cars and trucks. Also some blocks, puzzles, and plants.


And Liliana's shelf behind the couch, with some of her favorite toys on it. Yes, we have many, many more toys for her, but they come out in rotation. To the left of the shelf is a basket of playsilks, and to the right a bucket of megablocks. She still thinks books are for eating, so we just have one out. By the way, Dad, Liliana, and I made this shelf, which basically means that I planned it, Dad built it, and Liliana mostly nursed and stayed in the sling.

This is the snack shelf in the kitchen, with a little blue trash can next to it for used dish towels and rags, and a kid-sized broom (although Andrew uses the dustpan on the bottom shelf, he has yet to show any interest in sweeping). Also on the shelf are a blanket for Liliana, Andrew's new napkins he made himself (with help from Mommy), a bowl of fruit, rags for wiping up, lunchboxes, and snacks:

He also has a little cutting board, a kid-safe knife, a measuring cup with green tape at the 1/2-cup mark (for mac n cheese which he does almost by himself), and tissues. I don't know if you can tell, but those Klip It snack boxes are AWESOME.

This is the snack cabinet, where his silverware drawer is - one of the first things I ever made for him to do things himself. Can you see the little labels on the drawers? There are pictures I drew of a fork, knife, and spoon, along with the words for each, and he uses it every day to get his own silverware and to put it away. On top of that is a pair of kid-safe scissors which he uses to open cereal boxes, mac n cheese, bags of tortilla chips, the highly-coveted protein bars on the rare occasion he gets one, etc. Also, plates, cups, bowls, and a tupperware box of (also highly-coveted) straws. He can't open that Tupperware, so I'm looking for something he can open to hold them.

And here are the kids' tables. That's a chair I made for Andrew, a table I found at a consignment sale, and a little breakfast-in-bed table that I sit Liliana in front of. It's kind of like a weaning table, but I've forgone the hassle of a chair at this age. We'll get to that later, but I am just not able to give her the attention she would need to sit in a chair at this age. On her table are a couple of popular toys. She also has a high chair, for meals with the family. Not pictured are her adorable tiny glasses, which are actually shot glasses I found that match our adult glasses exactly. Daddy is less excited about the tiny glasses and prefers for her to have a sippy, but hopefully she (and he) will grow into them.

And this is the snack shelf in the fridge (with beer and olive oil in the back . . .). I've just noticed that the snack shelf consists entirely of dairy - Mini Babybel cheeses, string cheese, yogurt, and, yes, cheese cubes. I promise there was some fruit in there, but it's all been eaten, a mere 3 days after I went to the grocery store. I guess I'll stick in some carrots today.

That's the kitchen! The rest will have to wait for another post. It's pretty neat, too! My favorite part is her potty area. I know you're on pins and needles, especially since there are now THREE of you who read this blog! Thank you, Lauren!

Heard coming from the bedroom tonight:

"This is where we live... and this is where Daddy was born." (Daddy with the new globe.)
"WOW! That is a long way from our house!"

My house is such a mess. I clandestinely "cleaned out" the toy closet while Andrew was at school in preparation for the garage sale (LORD KNOWS I had better not get rid of that half of a broken die-cast no-name car, or the dinosaur whose head broke off.) (Which is not to say that all I have at my garage sale is junk! NO! On the contrary, you should come and buy stuff!)

But on the upside, MY BABY IS MAKING THE MILKIES SIGN!

It is one of those mom moments that makes you want, simultaneously, to shout your excitement from the top of someplace very high (or your blog), and to bury your head in a pillow and cry. MY BABY! What's next? College? Marriage? HOLY CRAP.

And speaking of crap, my dog threw up something that looked just like crap last night. 3 times.

And my husband cleaned it up while I nursed the baby (who woke up just from the smell!). He also babysat while I went out tonight.

And I'll be keeping him, ladies, thank you. For a long time. At least as long as we have the dog. And the kids.

(Upon re-reading my blog [which yes I do often, because, well, how could you not? It's such a joy to read!], I realized you may not know what the milkies sign is. Sign language + baby + all-important mommy milkies = happy baby who can ask for milkies!!! Very, very cute. Will try to get a video. Do you like my excellently correct use of brackets within parentheses? When I get loopy I use lots of parenthetical references. I'm tired.)

Amazing children

My kids were so amazing today. It's best told in snippets.

Being a regular follower of my blog, which I know, because there are only 2 people who read it, yes you, Dad. And Sam. I love you. :) .. you will remember my tea. (yes I know there were many problems with that sentence. I'm tired.) Well, Liliana is INSANE for it. When I drink water, she does her little bounce-in-the-sling dance and reaches for the water, but today I was pouring myself a beautiful glass of the deep red tea, with ice clinking around in the glass, and she went NUTS. She reached over and literally yanked the glass to her mouth and started grunting and sucking on it like she was parched. Which I know she wasn't because she has free access to milk. But this was TEA! She wouldn't let me take it away, with her fat little fingers she had a death grip on the rim of the glass. Seriously! I wish I had it on tape.

And she smelled so good today! Milky and buttery and sweaty and just delicious. Which means Daddy will probably say soon that she's starting to stink and give her a bath. I feel like the animal in the zoo who won't recognize her baby if the zookeepers wash it. But of course, I still nurse her even if she smells like Johnson's and Johnson's, or (eep!) baby powder (ew!).

Andrew gave me a tour of the Jet Museum (the Nat'l Museum of Naval Aviation) today and was he ever cute! He was pointing things out, explaining things to me, climbing in and out of cockpits, and most fun of all, having me follow him around the museum a la "following the leader," with fast steps, slow steps, and wacky steps. SO cute. He really wanted to go on the flight simulator (and I even had some cash for it, I know, don't pass out with shock, you'll miss the best part) but he (I'm not kidding, this is awesome!) looked at the poster for it and said he wanted to go, and after I agreed, he looked back at it and said, "I REALLY want to go. But I don't think you can go in there with THIS," (at which point he tapped the sling about where sleeping Liliana's tush was). Hm. Maybe you had to be there. It was so cute. He opted not to go in by myself, but there was a little hemming and hawwing: "I go in there with Grandpa!" (frown, pout)

Also this morning he gave me a huge hug and said "We'll always be together, Mommy. Even if we get lost and I'm home but you're somewhere else . . . I'll find you." with this gentle tilt of the head and a sweet tone of voice.

We rearranged the bedroom this morning, and it's much better than it was, but still needs some artwork. I plan on posting pics of it as soon as it's done, to showcase how I'm Montessori-izing the house.

Andrew: WHAT are you doing?
Me: Watching the Daily Show.
Andrew: Do NOT.
Me: Okay.
Andrew: It's distracting me from playing.

A Little Rant

I've been reading up lately on ways to help Liliana develop, especially along the lines of the Montessori method, and I find it all really wonderful and enlightening.

However, I am SICK and TIRED of comments like this: "It's very important to help your baby fall asleep without your presence. While holding babies is good, you could be making it nearly impossible for her to fall asleep by herself in the future." (simulation of a quote). And this: "I hold them securely in the water and say 'kick, kick, kick when they start to kick.' This activity helps later with swimming lessons."

This kind of (expletive) is just MADE UP, people! It's totally (expletive) made up. I could say, "You must be very diligent with clipping their nails. This aids in teaching them to have good self esteem and a sense of personal hygiene." Yeah, logically it makes sense, but it's NOT TRUE! Who really knows? Maybe it does the opposite! There's no way to know.

Hey! Oh, wait, there is a way to know. It's called SCIENCE!

Ok, sarcasm over. Thanks.

Liliana's fast birth

WARNING: I use the words, "nipple" and "vagina" in this story. If this is too much for you, please finish the fifth grade before coming back to read this. I actually wrote this for the Florida Friends of Midwives, who were looking for birth stories after a big fat controversy about ACOG (pdf).

I was planning a home birth for my second child because although my first home birth had been long and arduous, it was a success! (He's now 4, and an adoring big brother.) However, my second baby waited until the last minute to come!

My pregnancy was great and I was careful to exercise and eat a varied, whole-foods diet high in vegetarian protein. Around my due date, I started having more intense, regular contractions, but they faded away. Then a few days later, more, and they faded away again. This happened several times. My midwife was constantly telling me, "Babies aren't born with calendars in their hands! They're not born wearing a watch!" and reminding me that normal human gestation lasts 38 to 42 weeks, and we never can be precisely sure when conception occured. At my regular prenatal appointment on Thursday, I finally asked her to check my dilation and was shocked that I was 6 cm dilated. Finally, on Sunday, I decided to drink some castor oil. I did have some strong contractions, but then they went away.

The next day (Monday) she had me to go to the hospital for a NST/AFI (non-stress test/amniotic fluid index) to be sure the baby was doing well. The doctors there were a little freaked out that I was so "overdue," and even told me "nothing good happens after 41 weeks," which I knew wasn't true, but was upset by anyway. The baby was moving a lot and had PLENTY of amniotic fluid (you can look at my stretch marks if you don't believe me), but before I went home the doctor strongly encouraged me to make an appointment for an induction in 2 days, when I would be 42 weeks pregnant.

Meanwhile, I was trying to relax and enjoy the last few days of pregnancy, but I was tired, huge, ready to meet my baby, 6 cm dilated (!) and most of all terrified that I would have to give birth in the hospital, with pitocin and without my (already-filled!) birth tub. Mom bought me a huge bouquet of lilies to reassure me that all would be well. A whole night and day came and went and still no labor.

So, I sat down at home with my husband and midwife and planned everything we could think of to get the baby out. I went to get some acupuncture, I took homeopathics to relax, I finally took 2 more root beer floats laced with castor oil, and swished herbal tinctures every 20 minutes. Nothing was working, we put our son to bed, I was distraught, it was 10 p.m., and I'd have to go in the next morning for an induction! I was most upset about having to pack a hospital bag. I'd never done that before, had no idea what to pack, and if I didn't do it right then, I surely wasn't gonna know what to pack at 5 a.m. (that upset me, too, that they wanted me to wake up early for my induction, before their shift change, and because "average labors last 10-12 hours, and then we're into the nighttime.")

I just broke down and cried to my husband, big wracking sobs that let out all the fear I'd been having around the hospital situation. Then I finally started having contractions. I was NOT going to let those contractions fade away at the eleventh hour so I bounced on the birth ball, gently rubbing my nipples. My parents arrived, and then I was lying down on the bed with my labor-inth and having more intense contractions, and then I sat on the toilet and things really started to move, and I was making those sounds mamas make when it's getting intense.



I walked into my bedroom kind of bowl-legged, and said, "wow, it feels like the baby is just going to fall out," and suddenly, SPLAT, my water broke. It was really just my forewaters, because then when my midwife arrived and checked me a few minutes later, at about 11:45, she got the rest of it all over her (like I said, I make enough amniotic fluid for a soccer team of babies). She said, if I wanted to have this baby in the birth tub I'd better get in NOW because I was 9.5 cm dilated. I got in, had 2 or 3 more contractions during which I was squatting and twisting the edges of the birth tub and saying between gritted teeth, "I can't do this anymore!" to which, of course, everyone said, "You're doing it! You're doing it," and my husband laughed with joy and said, "and it's at home!"

And the best part! I get teary-eyed thinking of this. Then I felt the most powerful sensation of being totally open and a very calm quietness just held the whole place around me still. I felt things MOVING inside of me, like all the tumblers had clicked into place, and my baby moving into my vagina and down and through and without thinking I reached down and there was hair! Soft, wavy mermaid hair floating in the water of the tub, inside my body, pausing, ready to be born. My midwife later said she saw my eyes get wide and my eyebrows go way up, and she knew it was time. I remember thinking that the baby wasn't doing that 2 steps forward, 1 step back dance that my son did on his way out. She was just there, and feeling the ring of fire, I thought, go back in for a minute, kid! But the pain of the contractions was much less, so I just breathed through that stinging sensation.

The midwife told me to roll over, and I was having a hard time understanding words people were saying, so I think she had to repeat herself. I rolled belly up while the water was just hugging me (us!), and saw my husband standing in front of me. I closed my eyes and tried not to push, tried to just breathe slowly, and out she slipped, into the water and her daddy's hands. He lifted her up into my arms and we all stared at her in a glorious moment of silence, in our home, while the two of us were cradled in the water.

After an eternity, I gave her to my mom and the midwife and her assistant helped me out of the birth tub. I heard my husband say to my mom, "How come YOU always get to hold them first?" and I chuckled but then they guided me onto the birthing stool to push out the placenta, which was much more uncomfortable than the first time. It was a little before 1 in the morning, only 2 hours after labor began and about 5 hours before my appointment for an induction at the hospital. My midwife was happy to call and cancel it for me. Happy doesn't even begin to describe my mood.

Then I sat up in my bed against my pillows and nursed my beautiful baby for the first time, while my husband fixed me a fabulous breakfast of lentil soup with rice and spanakopita. My midwife and her assistant cleaned up, my dad went to sleep in the guest bed to keep an eye on us, and my mom went home, and we fell asleep with our baby. We woke up at 8 that morning (after also waking to nurse, of course), to a new big brother climbing into the bed with us and saying, "She's byoootiful!" like it was Christmas morning and she was his gift.

See? Good things DO happen after 41 weeks.

Liliana, 7 months

Liliana. 7 months. Doesn't really compute. I can still see the huge bouquet of lilies in my living room, green and white and waiting for her to be born.

And somehow, here she is, eating and yelling and gha-gha-ghaing her way into toddlerhood.

Often, instead of putting her in the sling, which is becoming more of a naptime or out-and-about thing, I'll just carry her on my hip and then set her down at any of the stations I've created around the house. There's the table in the kitchen where Andrew eats his snack, under which I've stashed a basket of toys, and then the living room, and the basket in the bedroom. But now, when I put her down, she HANGS ON. Seriously, she just grabs with her little fists and kicks at the floor with her little (fat STRONG) legs, and mommy no put down the baby.

Which brings me to standing. Yes! Standing! It is her new obsession. She leans forward, grabs onto anything (Mommy, shelf, big brother.. that one's funny. The first time she did that, he was all, HELL NO and shrugged her off. Big tears. Now he PICKS HER UP. I kid you not. The kid can carry his fat baby sister through the whole house. She is half his weight. This is a very long parenthetical remark.), and just... up. Wow.

And now she's moving on to something else grand. She walks her hands forward onto all fours, and then back again. She's been on all fours before of course, although it was more like tummy time with an occasional belly off the floor, but now she is very deliberate. Left hand, right hand, left, right, and she's a little puppy! And then back toward her and she's sitting up! It's so cool.

Also, she loves to talk. Gha, gha, gha (just ask Daddy to imitate this sound, he does it all the time, it's his favorite thing), and a spittley bpabpa. She's AWESOME.

Also she's very into her hands. She does the slow, contemplative, Baby Wrist Turn that I love, and loves to pick up things, when she's not using her hands to desperately cling to me.

Everything still goes straight. into. the. mouth. She's not really ready for nesting or stacking or anything not involving some mouth with the hands. And she has two teeth! And she can giggle..

Hi ho the cherry oh...

Heard from the bathroom:

"Can somebody wipe my butt? Can SOMEbody wipe my butt? Hi ho the cherry oh, can somebody wipe my butt..."

"Would you like someone to wipe your butt?"

"YES! I've been waiting for YEARS!"

And there ensued a conversation about what happens at school if you have to poop and then you have. to wipe. your. own. butt. Oh no!

At breakfast before the first day of school:

Andrew: Mommy, do you throw your yucky underwear out the window while I'm at school?
Mommy: (somewhat perplexed) Umm, no, why?
Andrew: NO, do you throw your YUCKY underwear out the window?
Mommy: No... why?
Andrew: I don't know. Nevermind. What DO you do while I'm at school?

I have just witnessed an impromptu dance recital to "The Morning Report" from The Lion King, involving lots of sticking out of the tongue, jumping, and running, completely coreographed and performed by my dear Andrew.

I never realized the best was yet to come.

Liliana Marie.

You are 6 months old today. You are AMAZING. You smile with your whole face, and when you hear your daddy's or your brother voice, you kick your little legs and grunt with that little smile and we all know you love them. When I take a drink of water, with you in your perpetual seat in my sling, you kick and bounce and grunt until I let you drink some, too.

You have a dimple in your left cheek, but not your right, just like your brother. You can roll yourself all over the place, but wherever you go, your brother can make you laugh. He bounces and sticks out his tongue and makes crazy monster noises and you just laugh and laugh. You are about the size he was when he was half your age, but you're gaining on him.

You are so loved. Your Grammy holds you and stares at you while you sleep, and your Grampa barely notices me when I'm holding you .. (come to think of it, I barely get noticed a lot these days) ... You are the apple of Daddy's eye and Andrew sometimes wakes you up just to play with you.

You have two teeth, whose arrival has left you somewhat sleepless and grumpy. You play peek-a-boo and love to dance to "Everyday" by Dave, just like your brother does. Soon, you will be crawling and then what will I do? Right now, you're just my little mini-me. I love to hold you and snuggle your neck and kiss your round little chin. You are so precious to all of us. Thanks for being our little girl.

Mommy

Sunday Confessional

Okay, I have done pretty well since I last posted, but Deanna over at Crunchy Chicken posts her confessions on Sundays so I thought I'd sync up.

I have bought, used:
3 outfits for Liliana for winter at a garage sale
1 pair of shoes for Liliana for when she starts walking, same sale
2 toys for Andrew at same sale
6 children's books, same sale
6 plastic pots for my growing avocado-plant collection
Total: $27.50

And:
More postage for stuff I sold - $4.80
6 yards of fabric and coordinating thread to make 2 slings to sell - $42.76

Not bad!

Selected Shorts

Andrew: "Cockroaches are bad! (much yelling and growling at a near-dead roach he found) I don't like cockroaches. Mommy, can you spit at bugs? . . . Do bugs have feelings?"

Also: "We will have to bring LOTS of water when we go to Ft Waterdale (no pun intended, just a 4yo's lisp). Do they have water there? (Mommy, being ignored: "yes, they have LOTS of water there...") We'll have to bring MILLIONS of jars of water when we go.
Mommy: I don't know if that much water will even FIT in an airplane...
Andrew: Maawmee.. Don't be silly. We'll bring LOTS of backpacks.

Confessions from "Buy Nothing Month"

Buy NOTHING month. Was I even paying attention?

This is what I've bought so far that's "OK":

1. Food
2. Diaper rash salve
3. Shipping for diapers that I sold (does this count? I dunno)
4. StrollerFit classes (this is a service, does this count?)

And dubiously justified purchases:
1. Toys and books for Andrew. Listen. I am NOT going on plane ride and to a wedding with this kid UNARMED. I don't care if it's Boycott Amazon Month, or Only Watch Paint Peel Month, or whatever. I will be whipping out the Transformers at the first sign of discontent.
2. A water filter replacement cartridge.
3. Clothing hangers for selling some stuff at the consignment sale. Again, an expense related to reselling my stuff. I could fashion my own from cardboard and bubble gum, but I won't. Sorry.
4. Sunscreen. And another bottle of sunscreen. Both stink like micronized metal and I will be taking them back. Or getting my secretary, um, mom to take them back for me.

Things I wanted to buy and didn't:
Don't even know where to start, people. It's HARD.

I'm tired.

Blogging

Apparently there was this big conference for women bloggers recently. I am assuming that this exists only on the periphery of my life because there is a cheerio stuck to my glasses and I can't see anything else? I'm not really a "blogger." I mean, I blog, but frankly, I use the blogger template, unchanged, and post, on average, once every 3 weeks.

Really, people, I'm like a kid playing in a puddle who can't find the kitchen to bake the mud pies. Maybe it's because the only times I get to blog are when my dishes, laundry, and duster await me eagerly and my kid sits at the other computer and serves himself lunch from the Snack Cabinet (cheerios and an apple, woohoo!), and the baby is falling asleep in my mei tai, while I bounce, bounce, bounce, cha cha, bounch, cha cha cha. While typing. (Or after everyone in the house is asleep and I am choosing blogging over sleeping... not a good decision, let me tell you.)

Well, there are some blogs I've started following regularly, among them Uppercase Woman. I really love her blog, that one and The Spectrum I click to whenever I have a moment (um, a moment being stolen from the laundry, because THAT never gives me a break).

So I've learned that apparently I don't really make the cut of the blogger elite, and I'm not bitter, I'm really not. Really. It's just... what am I missing exactly? Apparently my current level of internet participation (which drives my husband NUTS) is miniscule. Where does anyone find the time?

So when I read this on Uppercase Woman: "BlogHer [the conference] is about community. It's about meeting other women like you, . . . women that don't think Twitter is silly, or that Facebook is just for keeping up with family, or that spending a lot of time on the internet is stupid and pathetic," this is what I thought: Okay... so how is Twitter not silly? How could facebook be for anything but keeping up with folks? And really, if I sit on my computer for about a half hour, tuning out persistent concerns for my son's brain while he finds Quack at peepandthebigwideworld.com and wishing I could get out of the house sometime today after the laundry and the dishes are done (oh, dear, did I already mention them, oh, 40 times? oops.), I start to feel like, yes, this is stupid and pathetic. I need some sunshine. I need to do something REAL. And so does my kid. And the baby is going to wake up soon and NOTHING WILL HAVE GOTTEN DONE!

And thus, I suppose, I am not BlogHer material. I mean, I just don't get it. I blog mostly because I'm afraid if I don't feel accountable for writing SOMEthing, I will wake up one day, my kids will be 40, and I will remember NOTHING.

I won't remember that this morning when Andrew woke up, he crawled into bed with me and said, "I don't like sleeping in Daddy's bed. I want to sleep with you."

I won't remember how Liliana, who is now almost 6 months old, (HOLY CRAP!) smells like butter and milk and candy and when I laugh and tickle her and suck on her chin, and she smiles with one dimple I think I will die of happiness.

I won't remember exactly how we arranged the living room, or how the sugary sound of the baby's breathing, or that little-boy voice of Andrew's or the amazing things he says, like identifying a cumulo-nimbus cloud (okay it was a cumulus cloud, but he's only 4, give him a break). Or how he climbs up in my lap when I'm nursing the baby, or how he suddenly just shouted, as I'm typing this, "I'M GROWING UP SO FAST!" as if he read my mind!

"What did you just say!"
"I said I'm growing up so fast today!"
"Why did you say that?"
"BECAUSE! I'm eating so much healthy food!"

Maybe there's another reason to blog? But I'm just not there. I'm glad some people are, though, because I keep finding new blogs to read. Check this one out, gotta love a mama who takes on the "bad mom" myth in her title: Her Bad Mother.

The Spider Incident

Ohh. Ohhhh. The Spider Incident.

So, if you've read my blog, you know about our pet spider who lived on the back porch and ate all kinds of unsavory things. She kind of worked for us, keeping the bugs away. What you may not know is that Andrei fed her cockroaches. That was quite a sight. For me, it was one of those car-accident moments. Can't look away, but disturbing. Actually, I did look away. Run away. ANYway...

So, yesterday, she wasn't in her web, which was reported to me by a certain four-year-old. I figured she ran off for greener past... uh, webs. Well, when Andrei went to check on her, he found her on the ground under her web, not quite dead. What happened? Could it be the monster palmetto bug she ate the night before? We may never know.

While I was puttering around the kitchen as I am wont to do, Andrei came through with some of my good pins (snarked from my craft room) and an old piece of cardboard from the recycle bin. AND A DYING BANANA SPIDER. Through which he had stuck a pin to hold it to the board (where it lay slowly dying.) ("They don't have FEELINGS!" he protested when I was horrified.)

My horror abated somewhat when he later LIED and said it was dead now, out on the porch, on the cardboard. End of story, right?

Cut to this afternoon. You know by now what happened.

I FOUND IT IN THE FREEZER. When I was looking for fruit. In the freezer. Looking kind of frosty (the spider, not me).

I barely had time to call my mom and freak out on the phone before the spider killer came home.

Which is when I found out that the story gets worse! Yes, worse!

It was ALIVE when he put it in the freezer! (Who did I marry?) Um, he put it in there to put it out of its misery.

This whole episode raises so many mixed emotions... horror at the corpse vs. pride at the compassion of putting something out of its misery... scientific fascination vs., um, horror... compassion for the spider vs. total gross-out while trying to make a smoothie.

Oh, and trying to explain to Andrew why Daddy did that to the spider (using the word SCIENTISTS and STUDY a lot) vs. trying to calm myself.

Ugh. The worst part? My second thought (after "must. call. mom.") was I SO HAVE TO blog about this.

Andrew and I went to breakfast this morning out at Panera. This is the conversation we had, while 3 guys at an adjacent table talked about Nascar and I bounced Liliana in the mei tai:

Andrew: There's a pool in the sky. (very matter of fact)
Me: No! There is? I've never seen it...
Andrew: Well, it's above the clouds, so you can't see it. (boy genius)
Me: Are you sure?
Andrew: Yes. There are holes in the bottom of it, and that's how it rains.
Me: Okay, well, if there are holes in the bottom, it must get empty...
Andrew: Yeah...
Me: So what happens when it gets empty?
Andrew: Astronauts go up there and fill it.
Me: Are you SURE?
Andrew: YEAH! Of course!
Me: Ok, then, so who swims in it?
Andrew: I don't know. Nobody. Mommy, you're silly.

I love my son.

Me: Andrew won't be watching any TV this week.
Grammy: Well, if he's at our house, he probably will watch some...
Me: Why?
Andrew: (pointing at me and taking a triumphant stance against child abuse) Because YOOOU won't be there!

Liliana is into everything.

That is, everything she can get to on my lap. Loves paper, big suprise there, right?

She got so upset that she couldn't have pizza crusts at dinner tonight that we gave her a little mashed avocado on her new spoon for her to feed herself. She didn't really eat any, but it made her so happy. Now she's contentedly sitting in my lap tearing at paper on the desk.

Andrew is in the bathtub, Daddy is teaching him to use a snorkel (a skill I have yet to master without some level of panic). After the bath we're going to watch a movie and have popcorn, and tomorrow we may use Andrei's last day off to go to the beach! Expect pictures. :)

In the car today..

(...music playing on the iPod in the car fades to the Numa Numa song. Wild singing and dancing ensues on the part of the driver. Um, that's me.)

Andrew: Mommy, stop singing!
Me: (silent mouthing the words and wild dancing)
Andrew: Maaahmee! No dancing!
Me: But I like dancing!
Andrew: Don't take your hands off the steering wheel! (things you thought you'd never be told by a 4yo) ... People will say ... "weirdy." (Ok, "weirdo" is what I usually got in school, but whatever)
Me: I don't really care what other people think. (wild dancing. this is really a cool song, plus it's in Romanian.)
Andrew: (pensive silence)
Me: (hands on steering wheel, I promise)
Andrew: I wish you had two more hands in your armpits so you could dance and drive!

YES! Weirdies 1, normal ZERO!

Jen

Just a note to say that I finally posted another installment in my sunscreen fiasco, but because I began it way back last week, it posted it way down the page. Go check it out.

I know some people might find this post, well, gross. Sorry, Mom.

We had a pet banana spider. She set up her web in one of our patio chairs, so we gently moved her to the corner of the patio by the door. We named her Charlotte. Okay, I named her Charlotte, and the boys smiled and nodded.

I caught Andrei and Andrew out by her web, looking awfully guilty one day. They were catching flies and tossing them into her web to watch her eat them. It was really, really interesting.

Then, one day, something happened. It seemed she had grown a LOT overnight, and then Andrei noticed ... something ... in her web ... what was it? The LEGS of another banana spider!

Did she eat another spider? Or did a bigger spider come along and eat her and take her web? We may never know. I started thinking of new names for our spider. Cain? Jack the Ripper? But shortly thereafter, I went out and found our spider gone. Gone? Aww. Even if it's a murderous replacement, I was a little sad.

Then we found her in the opposite corner. I think she was annoyed by the door opening and closing and deforming her web. So here she is, in her new home, working hard to keep our home bug-free.

In Lieu of a Long Post

Resources I consulted about feeding my baby:
Kellymom.com
Drsears.com
The Baby Book
The Vegetarian Mother and Baby Book
Simply Natural Baby Food
Feeding the Whole Family
my prenatal yoga teacher
near-strangers
my mom
my husband
my son

What I decided to do:
listen to my heart and follow my baby

PS - yes I'm still planning on getting back to the sunscreens. It has gotten even more complicated.

PPS - Me to Andrew: Do you know why I love you? Because you're Andrew!
Andrew: Don't forget it.
LOL!

Isn't this beautiful? I was mixing up my herbal tea and it was too gorgeous not to photograph.


And this is the recipe:

2 parts whole hibiscus flowers (this is the sensational red flower petal taking center stage up there)
2 parts spearmint
2 parts lemon balm
1 part red raspberry leaf
1 part nettle leaf
1 part oatstraw
1 part red raspberry leaf
1 part rosehips
1 part fennel seeds

Or something like that. Approximately.

I scoop out 1/4 cup and pour 1 liter (1 quart, 4 cups) of boiling water and 1/4 teaspoon of stevia powder over it and steep for 15 minutes. Then I drink a cup hot and pour the rest over ice for the rest of the day.

It is yummmy.

Sunscreens: Unanswered Questions

So, my main concern is that according to both CR and EWG, many sunscreens simply don't protect you like they say they do. The great thing about CR is that they actually test products. In a lab. Using the scientific method, as far as I can tell. The problem with CR is that they haven't reviewed as many brands as EWG. Their "ratings" (which are off-limits on the web, ha ha, but I have the magazine right in front of me) include only 10 sunscreens whereas EWG lists nearly a thousand.

EWG, however, states this: "Our assessment is based on a detailed review of hundreds of scientific studies, industry models of sunscreen efficacy, and toxicity and regulatory information housed in nearly 60 government, academic, and industry databases." Um, what does that mean? Does it mean somebody googled their ingredients and plugged them into a database? Or that they actually lab-tested them? No way of knowing as far as I can tell. Is an analysis of "industry models of sunscreen efficacy" as valuable as a lab assessment of "protection against ultraviolet A and ultraviolet B radiation?"

The CR ratings tend to show that sprays give the best water resistance, but I really don't want to use a spray so I don't end up breathing any of it in and because it seems difficult to use. The EWG ratings often give high marks (usually "1") to sticks, which also seem difficult to use, especially on a squirmy kid.

Some brands, like Blue Lizard and CVS, are recommended by both. Unfortunately, CR says not to shop by brand because some "different SPFs within the same brand may not rate the same," and EWG clearly lists different formulas within the same brand with a wildly diverse "toxicity score." So, whereas EWG advises me to get any Blue Lizard without oxybenzone (a "high-hazard" chemical, according to their database), CR advises me to only buy the one with oxybenzone.

Still. Getting. Nowhere. And now my brain hurts.

So, keeping it simple, I narrowed it down to 4 sunscreens that seem, um, not so bad? And I'm sure you'll guess what I use as the determining factor. In the absence of any other clarity, one thing is always clear, and that is money. And how little of it I spend.

Mustela sounded good, but it is nearly $10 an ounce, plus shipping. According to CR, I'm supposed to use 2-3 tablespoons per application. Ouch. However, it's the ONLY ONE recommend by name by both CR and EWG. Am I obsessing here?

California Baby, which is a brand I really like, is still pricey at $7.24 an ounce, again, not including shipping. It gets really high marks from EWG, though, so it's tempting. Not mentioned at all by CR.

Blue Lizard, better, at just over $3 an ounce, and especially good because both EWG and CR recommended that brand, even if different formulas for different reasons. I know, I know, "buying by brand" is a no-no.

CVS brand 45+ sunscreen, however, is both cheap, and free of oxybenzone, using octinoxate and octocrylene, both given good marks from the EWG.

Let me just say here that this is the one I got. I pulled all they had off the shelf at CVS in a greedy, annoyed huff. Okay, not really. But I was greedy. I thought, by golly, if I finally found it, I'm getting 3.

Um, and then I remembered nanoparticles. Oh, it's hopeless. Stay tuned for that disaster.

Sunscreen

Okay, so I'm almost out of my sunscreen from last year. That is, the ones I can find. There are probably 4 hiding in closets somewhere around here. But what to buy? I generally try to put very pure things on my skin, knowing how well they are absorbed, but just smearing on straight Desitin doesn't seem all that appealing. Nor pure, actually.

Fortunately for me (!) two of my favorite consumer review sites are riding to the rescue! Consumer Reports just issued new ratings, and the EWG has had their reviews out for some time (theirs are free, by the way. CR only publishes their article for free, not the reviews).

Don't get too excited though. They have totally different priorities. CR tested sunscreens in their trial for actual effectiveness and water-resistance. EWG only looks at ingredients for safety. And they don't exactly match.

What's a mom to do? Smear on stuff that has some dubious ingredients but definitely works? Use sunscreen that may not really work as well but won't leach chemicals into our bloodstreams? Is there a compromise? Stay tuned.

On a similar note, I'm a little freaked out by the billboards popping up around town encouraging me to eat the right fish: "Eating fish? Choose low-mercury." (or something like that) They go on to list fish that are safe. Does anyone else think this is eerily dystopian? I mean, we have so polluted our waters that public-health media campaigns are encouraging us to avoid certain previously-safe foods. I think I saw the same billboard in Soylent Green. Or was it Children of Men?

And while we're at it, this is creepy, too: "Evil Corporate Slimeballs Plot to Get Knocked-Up Teen to Market Poisons" ...okay, not the real title, but I'm a little tipsy for lack of sleep this morning.

Today after a harrowing trip through the commissary, I settled Andrew in his car seat and sat down to nurse Liliana in the shade. Andrew said, "I wish I could do that. I wish I could be the mommy and nurse Liliana."

Late Rage

I apologize in advance for my language.

So, apparently, before I was even a mom, Real Simple magazine published an article called, "20 Time-Wasting Rules to Break." You know, like, matching your shoes to your handbag. SUCH a waste of time. (especially when your handbag weighs 15 pounds and is the size of a small pony. Like mine.)

Oh, yeah, and removing the clothes from the washer in a timely manner. Eh. You can just rewash them if you forget. Like I do.

OH, right, of course, I forgot this one: BREASTFEEDING. Seriously, people, Real Simple magazine was THAT STUPID.

You know, I'm a total Rule Freak. I ALWAYS have my fish with red wine, and I never miss a day of Dear Abby! And just to be even more of a tight-ass, I breastfeed too. Just to show everybody how perfect I am.

ARG! $*@#%^%&* ARGGHH!

This was in 2003. I can assume that by now they've had the shit kicked out of them enough that I can probably go eat my breakfast without writing a nasty letter. But I had to do SOMEthing. This is the kind of absolute shitty nonsense that I think of when baffled by our obscenely high formula-feeding rates.

For fairness' sake, I have to say I have not read the article, I found a reference to it in a very interesting article on pollutants in breastmilk. But you can read all about it where I did, here at Hathor the Cow Goddess, (I HEART Hathor, btw.. not just love, heart. as a verb. yes, I went there, I'm very emotional this morning.) and at these forums here.

We adults lie in little ways every minute. Children are honest.

Andrew was absolutely distraught when he was facing the fact that he was not going to get to go to the pool that I had just taken him to go see, and suggested to him he could go to today. I know, I am terrible. Totally my fault. I suck.

Anyway, he was red-faced, throwing himself on the floor, throwing things.. you get the picture. When he yelled at me to shut up, I finally got off my lazy butt and went after him. He was writhing on the floor in the bedroom, so I got down on the floor some distance from him (for my own safety? perhaps.) and began to try to figure out what on earth to do. Repeatedly threatening to have Grandpa leave because Andrew didn't want to play.. not working.

So, I started just watching him. He was really, really upset. So I said that. "You're really, really sad about the pool, aren't you?" Sobs. I've been reading about "Focusing," so I said: "Do you feel the sadness in your body?" He nodded, looking for all the world like someone had died. "Where do you feel it?

In all seriousness, he gazed at me with his big eyes, and choked out, "In my knees," pointing. "And my feet." Sniff.

Taking the idea and, apparently, running with it, he went on: "...and in my eyes. And my nose and my mouth and my forehead." Sob. "And my chin." Sob. "I feel it everywhere."

Wow. He was totally serious. I have no doubt I've just opened up some kind of amazing avenue of study. It's midnight, though, and a roach just skittered along the floor like it had every right to be here and I can't really think straight anymore. Ugh. I feel THAT everywhere.

A Portrait of the Artist's Mother (Before Breakfast)

This Day Sucks

And now my husband is mad at me too. I hate this day.

To my dear son,

Do you know how long it took me to do the Weekly Home Blessing Hour before you were born? ONE HOUR. ONE HOUR. I started it, did it, and finished it. Today, I tried. I really, really did. But I didn't even finish it in the WHOLE DAY. WHY oh why do you always wake up the baby? And what is with the hitting? And the whining? And the legos all over the floor.

And Liliana. You are a dear, sweet, milky baby, and I love you. But why the screaming today? Why the constant need to be on. my. body. Constantly. I have to navigate my spoon around your head to get it to my mouth. Juggle you to use both hands for filling a glass of water. Lean over you to yank a bowling pin out of your brother's hand so he won't hit me with it. Hike you up on my chest so I can use the toilet. Please.

Arg!

But, I remind myself, I have this:

"If" Revisited

I found this in the dusty archives of my computer, and I haven't even re-read it yet, so don't blame me if it's... imperfect. Blame my 20-year-old self. :) I wrote it for a women's studies conference as a revision of Kipling's "If"

“If” Revisited

If you can bend, disallowing the world to break you,
And feel unnamable hurt but let it not contain you,
If you can own your body though gazes hit you
But seek pleasure within their wanting too,
If you can love but into it not wholly dissolve,
Or being lonely, feel your ancestors surround,
Or being slighted, balance forgiveness with resolve,
And yet not on the island of virtue run aground:

If you can rage -- and not make hate your language,
If you can grow -- and not desert your past,
If you can set aside any long-held grudge,
And make one sweet moment the whole day last,
If you can bear the fiercest loves all alone
Not waiting for Death to your truth impart,
Or watch the babies you gave your life to, grown,
And follow them on with a worn-out heart:

If you can make no enemies of near-friends
Though their disparate ways be wholly strange
And love the whole of life no matter the ends,
And never the free truth for lies exchange;
If you can suffer ignorance and edify it,
And allow every sprout of life to grow,
Weeding the poisonous with reverent quiet,
But not razing the whole garden fallow.

If you can lead the race o’er ground you’ve won
And uncover in your tender sisters buried worth
Though too many men call each child "son;"
If gentle spirits find your heart near the earth,
If you can accept all gifts but none prefer,
And remember in distress to seek salt water,
You are the Earth and everyone within her,
And -- always -- you’ll be a Woman, my daughter!

Andrew's sleeping and I'm up getting some desk stuff out of the way. Wow, it's past 8 and he's still asleep, I hope he's not getting a cold.

So, of course I got distracted and started browsing diapers. It reminds me of the days before Andrew was born and I spent hours learning everything I could about cloth diapers, because it was a totally new world to me. Now, of course, I've diapered him for nearly 3 years and it's a little old.

But just look at these diapers! There's loveybums of course, I love those. I have a few of their wool covers, but their fitteds look soo cute. And then a friend loaned me a few little kissaluvs fitteds in the newborn size that are so soft and they have a snap in the front to snap down for the umbilical cord. And, of course, there's firefly. Oh, firefly. I've wanted to try their fitteds since I fell in love with their sister company's fuzbomb wool diaper cover.

Of course, all my love for fitteds and covers was kind of squelched (perhaps for the best?) when my husband found he much preferred all-in-one diapers. And wool covers are kind of a pain, anyway, so we only used them at night when we needed the extra protection. But I would still like to get my hands on a firefly fitted to see what it's like.

Anyway, I managed to protect my paypal account by convincing myself to at least HAVE this child in diapers first to see what we like to put on her before I buy anything. But OH those colors!

I'm so glad that The Daily Show is still funny without Bush.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/54985/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart-tue-jan-27-2009

This baby moves so much!

Calvin

Me: Andrew, do you want to see pictures of your cousin Calvin?!
Andrew: Yes! What color are his eyes?
Me: I don't know, let's go find out!

(Andrew thinks they're dark blue, but it's hard to tell from the pics)

What a glorious day!!

To-Do List Update... Week 3!

So, this week, I:

hung up the ikea baskets we've had for months
hung up our curtains (actually Andrei did the blue ones in the baby room
put up hooks on Andrew's walls for this curtains
made deodisks for the diaper pails
tagged stuff for the consignment sale next month
made a grocery list of freezer meals to cook one/freeze one
made list of people to call/email when in labor and when baby comes
read the Vaccine Book and critiques, decided to talk to doc about delaying Hep B but do the full series on time
put labor music on iPod
put stash of water and food in my room
got groceries (oops, no more money!)
assembled some casseroles to freeze
processed the remaining beeswax (still needs to be melted and filtered a second time, but then I can make the candles!)
gave capsules and capsule machine to Suzanne
decided where to put birth tub (it comes tomorrow!)

Didn't:
sew anything, except for a fun little feely toy for the baby that Suzanne inspired me to make
learn the stitch for Andrew's wool blanket, or get the thread or anything...
make candles
order seeds (come on..)
finish freezing all the dinners I have planned yet

So the only things left are fun things! I get to wait around for the baby while sewing, making candles, ordering seeds, cooking, and generally relaxing and playing with Andrew. I can stop saying, "just a minute," and "later," when Andrew says those magical words, "Mommy, will you play with me?"

wow!

I feel great today! This is really strange. All of a sudden last night I found I could touch my toes, and pick up my legs! And stretch and bend and even hop a little! Something must have changed about her position because I just don't feel like waddling and I even rolled out of bed this morning with no complaints. Although I did wake up at midnight, and 2-something, and 4-something...

To-Do List Update

So! The to-do list was HUGELY helpful! I felt like a complete nerd a week ago when I put it into an excel document, sorted it by priority, and then assigned a day to do each item, no matter how small. But that only took about 15 minutes, and then I felt as if a weight had been lifted! And then I worked so hard all week. Phew. This is how I broke it down:

Monday:
wash and test the breast pump (yup all pieces there)
cancel B'buster subscription (we just aren't watching them enough, and we can rent them from iTunes for cheaper, if we're only watching 2 a month anyway)
pester water co. about overcharge (nothing done about it, maybe somebody was stealing our water? I don't think a leaky toilet could account for 40,000 gallons of water in one month.)
get missing pieces of snaps from snap store (done!)
tuck away the rest of the postpartum clothes (took the whole week to get around to it)
library books (finally, I don't want to think about the charges)
call about seeds to buy for this area (still haven't done this!)

Tuesday:
mix up herbal tea
make grocery list for the freezer menu and the week's dinners
make a list of my weekly chores for Andrei for the two weeks he's home on paternity leave
list schedule for starting seeds
type out some recipes
label files (Andrei wanted me to label his files neatly and I still hadn't done it, but I wonder when he'll notice that it's done now?)

Wednesday:
sew the rest of the diapers (this didn't get done until the wee hours of the night, but they look great!)
sew curtains for the playroom (still procrastinating...)

Thursday:
buy: shower curtain for the other bed, safety pins, lanolin, etc. (didn't do this until Friday. On Thursday I caught up with the rest of the to-do list, I think some diaper sewing... can't remember)

Friday, errand day:
get Recharge for labor hydration. yuck. will drink apple juice.
find Target gift card (yup, and I used it all up, too!)
put relaxing music on iPod (still on the list)
install car seat (did it Saturday, I was kind of a day behind because I spent Tuesday morning at the beach with Andrew)
oil change and car wash (and car wash, and car wash, for Andrew)

Saturday:
shop for freezer menu (phew)
hang baskets in my room (not done)
hang curtains in my room (not done)
put hooks on Andrew's walls for his curtains (not done)
rearrange the bedroom (this actually got done, it is fabulous!)

And then some other stuff got done along the way:
I made a ton of laundry detergent. I mean, a ton. I calculated that it will wash at least 400 loads of laundry. So, you know, it'll get me through the 4th of July.
I made January's cookie of the month.
I bought a mini spatula I love, I bought the fusible bonding and some material to make baby shoes (in the remnants bin! and they match!)
And I put together a basket of bath stuff for the baby next to the sink so it'll all be ready.

So now the updated list for next week:
Monday (today, eek!):
Hang baskets in my room
Hang curtains in my room
Put hooks on Andrew’s walls for curtains
make deodisks for the diaper pail
tag items for sale

Tuesday:
include freezer casseroles in grocery list
make a list of people to call after the birth
read the Vaccine Book and review vaccines
put relaxing labor music on iPod and put players in each room

Wednesday:
sew baby shoes
sew curtains for playroom (easy but boring and I'm procrastinating)
sew nursing pillow

Thursday:
put a stash of water and food in each room
get groceries

Friday:
Make Feb and March cookie dough and freeze
assemble casseroles to freeze

Saturday:
process beeswax

Sunday:
learn stitch for red blanket
make candles

Can I do it? Tune in next week, same bat channel...